Thanks greatly to my cun­ningly geeky boyfriend (and thanks also in part to the new Spock — I knew you were gay, Zachary Quinto, and my pla­tonic love for you runs even deeper since you’ve come out) I have come to enjoy and even desire the Star Trek series.

But even before I started watch­ing this series (and even before Zachary Quinto’s fab­u­lous on-screen por­trayal) I was aware of the pop­u­lar­ity of the char­ac­ter Spock. But as I watch the series I real­ize the pop­u­lar­ity of his species in general.

I, too, am intrigued by Vulcans.

I am sure there are many other inter­est­ing aspects about Vul­cans that I am not aware of (after all, I am still a new­bie Trekkie), but what I am cur­rently drawn to is their atti­tude towards emo­tion — more specif­i­cally (as most of you will surely know) their prac­tice of sup­press­ing and con­trol­ling their emotions.

Of course, Vul­cans go too far with that. And although logic is impor­tant in any life the Star Trek series also under­stands the impor­tance of emo­tion — I find episodes where the seem­ingly unsta­ble human emo­tion saves the day over Vul­can emo­tion­less logic.

How­ever, at this stage in my life, I would like to become a Vulcan.

You see, I think my fam­ily have long sus­pected, and now I fear my boyfriend fears, that I suf­fer from Bendii Syn­drome. I expe­ri­ence no phys­i­cal symp­toms and am not elderly, so my hav­ing this ill­ness would be quite a rare case (not to men­tion the fact that I’m not Vul­can and am not in the Star Trek series). But I exhibit all the emo­tional symp­toms — loss of emo­tional con­trol and sud­den bursts of emotion.

I have always been a very emo­tional per­son. I guess now that I think about it, I have always tried to sup­press my emo­tions. But recently my con­trol has been less effec­tive, and my mind is over­pow­ered by a whole bunch of emo­tional out­bursts inside my head, and once in a while it explodes to the out­side world.

What can I do to con­trol these emo­tions? Vul­cans med­i­tate — I guess I can start with that. Other than that, per­haps I can find an out­let, like exer­cise? Tak­ing up my vio­lin again? Draw? Any­thing else?

Of course, the Vul­can way is not the ideal and I shouldn’t take this too far. They are too emo­tion­less. Plus, yes my fam­ily has expressed con­cerns about my emo­tional roller coaster before, not to men­tion my boyfriend’s cun­ning attempts to hint that he is very much aware too, I am sure that deep down they would have me no other way. My emo­tional ups and downs give them lit­tle sparks in their lives — granted that spark some­time turns into a light­en­ing strike.

But being so extremely emo­tional, I think I should, for now, strive to com­pletely con­trol my emo­tions. After hav­ing com­plete con­trol can I then let my emo­tions loose a bit.

What do you think?
Do you have emo­tions run­ning around and tak­ing over your mind?
How do you con­trol them?
If you have any point­ers please do let me know.

In the mean­time, I will be emo­tion­lessly craft­ing the pointy parts of the ears that goes with my new found iden­tity and con­tinue watch­ing the Star Trek reruns.

Yes, this is the first post in almost 4 months.

No, I was not in a coma.
No, I did not decide to dis­con­tinue.
No, I did not just for­get about this site.

As more and more time passed from my last post, it became harder and harder to write because I felt like I had to write a nice excuse post.

Which I am writ­ing now, I guess.

No one’s expect­ing an excuse post, I know. But I know there is one per­son that just wouldn’t feel right with­out it — me.

But then, this is not a good excuse post, even to myself, because there’s no one sin­gle thing I can really report and explain the blank time.

This year has been par­tic­u­larly dif­fi­cult for me. It’s very true. But it was not due to one sin­gle event that’s made it dif­fi­cult. These past sev­eral months, life has been hand­ing me a small event here, a tiny occur­rence there, a minor set­back here. I could very well be too sen­si­tive now and over­re­act to every lit­tle thing. But lit­tle things here and there con­tinue to hap­pen and has taken its toll on me. I’ve been using up my energy just to keep remind­ing myself that I am still very for­tu­nate and I have to keep my head up and think positive.

So, in short, I was focused on han­dling my mini-meltdowns and there­fore was not able to write a blog post.

I know that’s life.
Life’s a series of mini-meltdowns.
Every­one goes through that I am sure. But I won­der how other peo­ple keep their smile on.

But I have also real­ized that I am lucky I already have this blog set up. When I first started this blog, some­one said to me “it’s ther­a­peu­tic to get things out of your head and onto paper.” Sure, I don’t use pen and paper any­more, but I’m hop­ing the ther­a­peu­tic effect is the same.

So, after a mini-hiatus, I am back and ready to spew out words again. I made a deci­sion to start this blog and shall continue.

p.s. I hope you had a nice summer :)